Whew...I'm not good at disappointment, and it seems to be worse as I've gotten older. Hormones maybe??
So, the past few weeks have been a little nerve-wracking as I waited to hear back about my round 2 application to the Disney Moms Panel. I was standing in the International Market in Honolulu when I checked my email and saw that I had moved on to round 2, and it seemed pretty magical. So, I geared up and waited for the round 3 application to become available and thought about my 60 second "favorite Disney memory" video I'd have to do. When the day came, I submitted everything and hoped for a little pixie dust.
As I sat back and watched people become completely obsessed about the questions, their answers and the video, I kind of chuckled to myself that they were really over-the-top with this. I had the "if it happens, it happens" mindset .... until this past week. As I looked at Facebook and various message boards and saw people stressing that we had not received our emails yet and interviews were going to be the first week of November. The more I read, the more I read into things and the more nervous I got. Then tweets started appearing from other Moms Panel moms and the person that heads up the Moms Panel. People began reading so much into those tweets that I actually got my hopes up. Silly rabbit...
So, last night the email finally came at 10:20ish PM. Both the title and opening paragraph of the email almost made it sound like you were moving on. I had to slow down and read it a second time before I realized that it was a rejection letter. Now those of you that know me well know that I'm not all pixie dust and rainbows, all day, every day. So, some days it would be hard to put on my Disney face and spread my own pixie dust. I am passionate about Disney, but realistic about Disney, as well. I was looking forward to helping those with questions make the best plans possible for a great Disney experience. I'd love to find a place where I can put those talents to use, but I'm not very good about knocking on doors and asking to let me be part of someone's team. I want them to read something from me and say "wow, we need this person!" So, that's my issue I need to figure out.
There's lots of cliches that run through my head today like "this too shall pass" or "one a door closes a window opens," etc. All I really want to do is have a big pity party with lots of Kleenex. I didn't realize that I wanted it "that badly." I guess what I really want is to be the popular one for the first time in my life. I want to do something that someone might be proud of for once. I want to find my pupose in life because I'm feeling a little lost in life right now.
I guess I'll cry my tears out, plaster on a smile and keep moving through life. I'm going to go pack my suitcase and leave for WDW early in the morning to celebrate the 20th anniversary of a very special couple. So, tomorrow morning I'll be back into full cheerleader mode, but today I'm just going to be the sad wallflower that didn't get asked to dance.
And wow, doesn't this whole blog post sound so pitiful?! It's okay - sometimes you just have to get it out so you can let go of those feelings and start moving forward.